if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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