i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
