i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
