I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
