just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
