i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
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I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
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Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night