My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
