My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
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Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
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I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store