You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits