Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything