I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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