I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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