there's paper in my vomit.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
