im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
