Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize