my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
