:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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