she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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