when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
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When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
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Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize