sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
