Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
