Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
