Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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