Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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