Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
