Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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