Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
