I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
