her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
OPIZZABONMYDICK
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
