I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
