I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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