i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
