look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She bit a glass in half.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
