it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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