the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
