I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
