OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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