Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
