Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
