don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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