First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
