I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
