you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
