yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
