Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
