I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
