ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
