Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Jerry, you need to find god
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
