my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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