dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
