it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
