farters have to be the big spoon...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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