wat bout pragnant strippers??
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
