Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
What did we do last night that was yellow?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
false alarm, still single
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