I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
