Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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