I think my fart just growled at me.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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