3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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