I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
