seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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