last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
