my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My penis needs a shock collar
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
