Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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