So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
