Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
