I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
