Acid is not a monday night drug
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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