we're chasing vodka with high fives
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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