you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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