who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
