Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
