You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
