Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
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My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
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Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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