I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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