I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
