I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
