I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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