Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
