so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
